Put That Trend To Bed.... Keep Your Lipstick Inside of Your Lip Line!

 

 

 

 Put That Trend To Bed... 

Keep Your Lipstick Within Your Lip Line!

Trends happen... You following them is up to you.... But some of them should have been put bed the second they started.... This one I speak of now... being one of them.

I don't know why anyone thought for a second that putting your lipstick on, around the OUTSIDE, of the lip line was cute... but it isn't. It isn't enhancing anything... except maybe the ability to look like a clown... and I heard Ronald McDonald called and he wants his look back.

On the real? You do not need to follow the trends of other people. Especially if they're giving you ideas to do shit like this. If you know someone who is rocking the "all around the mouth look"? Real friends do not let their friend roll that way. It's time for an intervention. Sit that girl down and tell her what time it is. This is like when you're out with your BFF and you notice they have a booger. You tell them. Unless you're that asshole friend who is like secretly laughing about it and let's it go... (I hope not... but these people exist lol).

So, yeah... this trend? Needs to be buried. Once and for all. It isn't pretty. It looks like you forgot how to put it on correctly. I personally would never want to leave my house like that.

Embrace that natural line. It looks good on you. Really.

Believe when I say, that you do NOT want to go out of the house as a grown individual and look like you have no clue how to properly apply your lipstick. Don't be that person. I am pretty sure that whoever thought up that trend did so in order to laugh at people. I don't care what celebrity is doing it.... you don't need to follow it.

Some days it is best to let them go their own way and take their trends with them.

Failing Doesn't Mean You Quit

Failing at something does not mean you just quit.... 

Just because something didn’t work out the way you planned the first time, doesn’t mean next time..., it won’t be a success. The difference between winning and losing is whether you get up, give it 110% or just sit there and do nothing. You may have “lost the battle”, but that doesn’t mean you have lost the war.

Failure means you’re at least trying. Which means you are way ahead of the game. Do you know how many people out there think of doing something or wish something would happen, but they never try to help things along? A shit-ton. 

I am an entrepreneur... and I am the only one in my family. The rest are earning their living the way they saw everyone else making theirs... It’s the normal 9-5 grind, the afternoon-evenings, or an overnight shift at a company somewhere making x amount of dollars... and that is where they are comfortable and that is okay. I am not knocking that in any way... it’s an honest living, but it isn’t for me. I have always wanted the “unconventional” ... I did not want mainstream. I never wanted to be like everyone else. I had dreams. I did not want to cap my potential or limited by the industry standard. 

I wanted to try everything and then I wanted to settle in and focus on building my own empire!  If you could see the looks, I have gotten when I had a new idea or had found something, I really wanted to try... I can say with certainty... those looks were not encouraging. In fact, I have gotten so many, “How are you going to make any money doing that?!” or... “You will never be able to make a living that way!”. I am not going to lie, it used to hurt my feelings, but over the years, I learned to take those opinions with a grain of salt. 

Not everyone is going to see or even understand your vision... and that is okay. They don’t have to, but just because they don’t, does not mean you quit. I am not saying to go out and quit your day job (evening job, night job, or whatever job)... No... keep working, bring in the bacon, and squeeze in the dream, in your spare time. Sure, you are busy... we’re all busy. “Free time” isn’t so much free. It isn't about "having" time, you have to MAKE time for what you want... or else it is not going to happen. It isn’t just going to fall into your lap. Unless, of course, you have somehow managed to score yourself a fairy godmother, and if that is the case, I want one too! 

If you are like the rest of us... then it is going to take hard work and dedication. Persistence is key here.  Not all of that shiny shit you may think you need in order for it to work. Everyone has to start somewhere. Most of the people you follow, those who have reached success in what they were after... they started at the bottom too. 


Dive in and get excited to fail! At least you’re trying. But keep on keeping on! 

Because when you do? Guess what?! That idea you have been bouncing around in your head...? That dream of the life you want...? Is possible and you will have it... if you believe in yourself and you work for it. 

Start now, with what you have, in every moment you make available. If that means stay in when others are going out, get cozy, and get to work. Just stop making excuses and get started. The longer you wait, the longer it takes... and don't you think you've already waited long enough?! 

I believe in you! 

Now, what are you waiting for? Get to it!  

Your Mistakes Do Not Define You - Your Actions Following Your Mistakes Do.

We are all guilty of making mistakes. As a matter of fact... we make them daily. I know I do. I am not perfect. You are not perfect... no one is. There is no such thing as a perfect person. I haven't met one yet. 

The problem I see with people these days is that when they have made a mistake - they feel as though there is no bouncing back from it and then continue to dig themselves an even bigger hole... then pretty much pack up and live there. 

That's where the real mistake is... you're not supposed to live there. You make a mistake, you own up to it, make yourself accountable... and if it is something that can be fixed -repair and move on. Apologize and focus on making better choices. If it is not something that can be easily fixed... then own up, do what you ARE able to do to repair the situation and move on from it. 

Trying to cover it or brush it under the rug is not going to make it better or go away... that just ultimately makes it worse. 

What really speaks for you are your actions after you've made a mistake or made a not-so stellar choice. Yeah, you may have to spend a moment or two in the hot seat, but that goes with the territory... own it! 

Owning up to what you've done and being accountable says a hell of a lot more about you than what you did to fuck up in the first place. Trust me. We all have our moments. No, it isn't fun... but it is what it is. If you did it... don't leave it up to chance... do not leave it for someone else to shoulder the blame... be real... own your actions. 

I'd rather the ugly truth  rather than to be comforted by pretty lies... 

For me personally - I would rather hear the ugly truth rather than be comforted with pretty lies. I could forgive an ugly truth, but those pretty lies? Not near as easily. And lies... always come back to haunt you. Not to mention you have to keep covering a lie with another lie. It's a vicious cycle and one you do not want to find yourself trapped in. 

The majority of the time ... the truth is already known... so you make yourself look worse by attempting to cover it up. You made a mistake? Okay - we can deal with that. Lie about it? We have a real problem. 

Show up and own up. Let your character speak when you can't. 

You don't have to wear a label as a "fuck up" just because you messed up. 

Remember that every one... and I do mean everyone has made mistakes in their lives. 

You are not the only one.

Do not let your mistakes define you. 

In Response To...... How I felt about having kids today.

So, this was my response when someone I have not seen or talked to in a long time asked me how I felt about having kids today. It was more of a sarcasm/criticism type of comment.....but to my delight and lack of giving a shit it rolled right of my back like most things should for anyone.

Rewind to -oh, I'd say about 20 years ago... 

Once upon a time I was eighteen years old and pretty adamant about not having kids. I was busy doing other things... and it was no secret that I was not "dreaming or secretly planning" my future family... Lol.

Just an FYI... There is nothing wrong with that! Just as there is nothing wrong with if you do. 

Oh!....

One last thing before continuing... If you are offended easily or fail to have a sense of humor? Ignore this whole post... Just go ahead and click that "X" in the top corner and move on. Thanks in advance. 

Now... Back to my response.... 

"The kidlet thing is still weird to me most of the time. I'm not one of those "gushy" mom types....or even one who "enjoys" pregnancy and raves about. 

The mom part isn't so bad. Definitely a learning experience. Scary as shit though. Seriously. You are solely responsible for another human being. You thought life was scary before? I have news... You haven't seen shit until your rest your eyes on your little person for the first time.

Now pregnancy and enjoying it?!

Fuck no. It sucks... lol...

Don't get me wrong, there are some really sweet moments when you are pregnant. Like feeling your little person start moving around for the first time and maybe some others. But let me be real... Your body is no longer your own while pregnant. No matter how you look at it. 

My feet? Resembled that of what I'd assume could be exactly what a Gargantuan's feet probably look like (if you can even see them). Bending over? Good lord, the struggle is real. Shaving your damn legs? Well it would seem that my contortionist days are officially over. (Not that I was ever headed down that path anyway...). Heartburn? Get ready to take out stock with Tums. 

The number of times you run/waddle (that's right - I just said waddle -don't even get me started) back and forth- to and from the bathroom for what id say "a little dribble" that had initially felt like you were about to produce Niagra Falls and flood your entire neighborhood. You may as well invest in a bed pan -especially- especially if your limited to one bathroom and it just so happens to be on the other side of the house. I never thought of the bed pan idea until just now... Looking back... it would have been a killer idea. Definitely noted for future purposes on my "Just in case" list... bahahaha (don't judge). 

I never could get comfortable. Talk about waking up 9000 times during the night JUST to attempt to roll yourself over... Oh, you can imagine how pretty it is... I could go on for days -but I'll just stop with all that messy goodness. You'll probably thank me.

Truth be told... with all of the suckith moments throughout pregnancy -in all honesty? I'd do it over. I totally would. Bitching and complaining the entire way. Just to lay eyes on that adorable disruption to my sleeping patterns. It was worth it. (Damnit! I never thought those words would pass my lips - let alone relay them in a blog post for others to read). The mess, the madness, labor (sweet jesus that's another story), and the yucky mess afterwards. It changes you.

Fast forward to the ever so present now and on to the topic of your wee people. 

With all that I've said above, some kids are actually kind of cool and really aren't the spawns of Satan. (Don't shake your head or try to lie.... You know that you know some of those kids too...). My ten year old for instance (and this is 2018 for any of you who may read this post later down the line) he has his moments. I'm not delusional... he has his "I'm going to make my mom turn half lunatic, produce mass amounts of gray hair and possibly rip that shit out by the roots" moments... but for the most part? He is pretty chill. He's hilarious actually. And I find him quite fascinating. He tells awesome stories... (shit... I just went all gushy). 

Moving on.

Don't worry though... Your time will come as well (if it hasn't already) and I will laugh and laugh and laugh. Just as my mom did as she wished upon me a child that was ten times worse than I was... Totally not kidding... I may or may not have been a holy terror at certain stages of my life... Lol.

Now while my hilarious sense of humor and their (we're back to conversation that lead to this post) lack of....collided... Luckily.... They knew me well enough to not be a dick. The whole conversation became quite hilarious to me actually....but that's okay too, because I am not in the habit of caring what people think.

Not to mention.....being a "people pleaser" is just not in my nature. It never has been and I don't intend to rectify that anytime soon. And you shouldn't either for that matter. It isn't worth your time or energy. 

Keep in mind -that it is okay to change your mind, without apology, about something you did or that you didn't want to do at various stages in your life. That's the beauty of things... It's your life. You're allowed to do that. 

Moral of the story? You can have your opinion. You can want or not kids. You can be a decent human. You can be funny. You can be anything you want to.... Just be decent.

And for the love of all that is holy (or not) don't worry about what others think. Opinions are like assholes... everyone has one.

xoxo

No Perfect People

 

There is not one single perfect person in this world. 

There isn't... 

...and while some would like you to believe otherwise.... 

Everyone you meet has a past. 
Everyone has told a lie.  

Everyone has done something they're not proud of.... 

We're all guilty of not so stellar moments.

 I know I sure as hel'll have plenty of my own. I won't say I'm proud of that, but I'm human. I'm real. You can't change the past, but you can damn sure... change your present and your future. 

The difference with some people than with others? A lot of us have or will own up to our mistakes.... while others point fingers and seem to forget that their shit stinks just as bad as everyone else's... The last I checked? Unless they're "masking it" with some "poopouri" it's just as rank as the next persons. 

Here's the thing... evey decision you've made has lead you to this point in your life... That includes the good, the bad and the ugly. But this very moment that you're in... you have an opportunity to do good. You can choose to either let those assholes stall your progress or you can show the whole gd world what you're made of... **not that you need to impress anyone**... But you sure as fuck can strive to do better and be a little better than you were yesterday. Each day that you try is progress. 

The only competition you have is with yourself -not another human being. Let them have their opinions... and allow your character and your choices speak for you.  

Believe me... I know that some folks would rather see you down than on the up.... and when you find yourself in a position of Judgement... Make sure you take a good long look in the mirror and remember that those fools don't matter. They are not any better than anyone else. You matter. You really do. We all do. 

I'm here to help remind you... That YOU are a gift. You have something unique to offer the world whether you realize it or not. Something that no one else can or will.  

Every moment...every second that you're breathing is a moment you've been given to continue writing your life's story. 

You hold the pen... 

Make it a story worth reading. 

... I believe in you. 😘 

xoxo, 
Michelle 

Don't Allow Yourself To Be Consumed by Tragedy... Happiness is a state of mind. It's something that you create.

We are all chasing a feeling.... in one form or another.

The problem though.... is that sometimes in the midst of seeking joy... we do things just to try to fill the void because it's really hard to realize that  WE are the ones who actually hold the key to our happiness.

Happiness is a state of mind. Something that we create.

It's easy to get ourselves caught up in a tragedy... to let it completely take over, but it's damn hard to conquer our thoughts.

....and thoughts fuel action.

What you think is what you become.

Think you can't? You won't.
Think there is a possiblity? You might.
Think you can? You will.

Start telling yourself you can and that you will be a little more often... because where you are right now, at this very moment... there is happiness, laughter and love all around you.

Manifest all of the amazing things that life has to offer you. You deserve that. Stop focusing on what you don't have... and focus on what you do have.

Great things are all around you -just waiting for you to try... To take that first little step. And once you start making that effort, it will start to flow and once that valve is released inside of you... You will finally start to see what you've been missing. And it is a really beautiful thing.

So, what's your course of action today?

YOU are going to try... Starting right now... with what you have and where you are.

Take a deep breath and close your eyes.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Let it all out... and repeat... Free your mind of the negative. Of the doubt. And let the possibility of "It can, it will, it did and it is right now!"...lead you instead.

I believe in you. You've got this!

Kick some ass today!

The Impact of Paying it Forward

Kindness matters and paying it forward always has an impact. 

When you have barely any cash on you, but you pass a homeless dude, and your guts are clawing you to shreds telling you to help.... 

You put your change with the three dollar bills  

It was approx $7.00. 

Why am I posting this? Not in any means to "toot my horn" or to make myself look better, but once in a while? Everyone finds themselves in a position where they need help. Giving isn't required of anyone, because at times you just can't... and that's okay. It just means that if ever you find yourself in a position to be able to -go for it. 

Not everyone out there Flying a sign is bad....  everyone out there has a reason for their circumstances. You just don't know what they are... 

I've gotten a lot of shit over the years because I have always tried to give when I'm able -just like it haunts me when I can't (I'm a bit sensitive to the thought of someone being hungry or cold). I've known people who were down and out.... Hell, I have been  down and out myself... and it sucks. 

You don't have to give huge amounts, even a quarter or a buck helps. Your time even...  that counts too. It's called paying it forward. Everyone needs help once in a while at some point in their lives. 

 When I handed that dude  the bag with the money, he about cried. 

My son was with me and it's important that he see and be apart of these types of interactions. 

Stay humble, do good and appreciate everything. You never know when it could be you or someone you love in that mans shoes. 

Have a kick ass day! 

A letter to my dad.

Today was tough. So fricken tough!! And then I missed my dad so much because I wanted to be able to talk to him so bad. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted a giant ass bear hug. (I miss those so much)....

Life without a loved one isn't always easy. Especially when things are really hard and you can't reach out to them the way you used to anymore.

So, after much thought... I decided that I was going to write him a letter. I told him everything that was bothering me and in my head I played it over and over what he would say to me. He used to make me laugh so much. I'm talking full on almost pee your pants type of belly laugh. It was crazy and it was amazing.

I wrote him a letter and I addressed it to him in Heaven. Using his nickname... Lol... Long story there, but I give everyone a nickname. His just happened to be "Pappy le Pew". I may tell you about it some other time.

Yes, I am actually going to mail this. I am going to pretend that he is going to get it. Call me crazy, call me whatever you want actually... I don't care.

Why am I posting this? Because I know most of you miss someone as much as I do. And I want you to know that just because the people we love aren't here anymore -that doesn't mean we can't find a way to "reach" them. In my case... it was sending a letter to my dad.

I am. You are. We are.

♕ ♕ ♕ ♕ ♕

I am so much more than what so many see. 

I am so much more than what I lead on to be... 

I give... I feel... I hope. 

I love fiercely.

I need, I want... I dream.

I am alone -yet surrounded

I am empty -yet full 

I am vulnerable, and at times insecure. 

I am strong 

I am confident 

I win, I lose, I fail and I fall... 

I am weak

I am proud

I smile when on the inside I die

I break down 

I put myself back together

I stumble

...and stand tall

I am a woman... 

I am.

My spirit free...

with the heart of a warrior

I am a lover

A fighter

A dreamer

A seeker of hope -a giver of hope

A leader 

I am so much more... 

I am strong 

I am courageous 

I am amazing 

...I am

You are

We Are

We are all... so much more. 

♕ ♕ ♕ ♕ ♕ 

xoxo, 

Amanda Michelle

It started out with...

I had to go have blood work done this morning, and after fasting all night I woke up and had to remind myself that I couldn't have any coffee. Grouch radar overload. Then as I get in my car I'm suddenly starving. Like my stomach wants to eat my backbone kind of hungry. So, no coffee... no food. Fuck. 
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if I put my underwear on backwards. I didn't though... luckily. 

Traffic on the interstate was crazy bad. Understandably so with people traveling because of the holiday. I just want to get to my appointment, have my blood drawn and find the nearest coffee shop. I get there and wind up having to call my insurance co, I forgot my insurance card and even though they have all of my insurance info... they want a copy of the card. I was pissed. Really?! I call the insurance company... the lady is rude. I'm like I just want you to fax a copy of my insurance... that's all. At this point the girl behind behind the counter says... just forget it, come on back. I got you. Hallelujah! 

As I'm sitting there my son says while laughing... "WOW... that's a really big pointy needle." I'm like "Really son?! Thanks for pointing it out." Lol
After the labs were done I decided on an impromptu visit to the grocery store. Big fricken mistake. All before coffee?! Good lord it was packed in there... so bad. And being that tomorrow is Thanksgiving, well you can pretty much imagine how that went.

Last minute while at checkout getting ready to pay for my stuff I had to have... I saw a wine rack to the right of me... beckoning me... whispering... "Amanda... come get me."

Eyes to the heavens and a quick thanks to baby jesus, because I snagged a bottle of that cheap ass wine off that rack (don't judge cheap is better than none and it was the only stuff on the rack. I wasn't battling any more people in that store). I then cradled that jug like it was made of precious gold and deposited it on the counter.

I even let the dude help me take my items to the car. He was desperate for an escape from the inside of the store and who am I to disappoint? He made me laugh the entire walk. There is a reason I love my local grocery store. They are awesome. So are their employees. Which I totally appreciate. 

Now, I'm home finally... and am enjoying a huge ass cup of coffee... I need to catch up on a ton of stuff... and then later the wine. Lots and lots of wine.

What the fuck am I so afraid of?!

What the fuck am I so afraid of?! 

Now that... is the million dollar question and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have found myself asking it. Over and over again. 

Flash back to a couple of years ago....

I could easily tell you everything that I wanted... but execution... man that can be a damn doozie. You know, you get so excited about something. The thought of it is amazing... you can visual how perfect it would be (whatever it is) and the outcome looks so refreshing and then at the moment of truth you start choking... and running for the nearest exit as fast as your little feet will take you.

Commitment phobe much?! (Raises hand). Yes, it took me a damn long time to figure out what my problem was. I am bloody terrified of commitment and I'm not just talking about relationships either. The biggest commitment I've made is to my son and I am 110% in. It isn't his fault that I have/had issues.

I can't tell you many times when just the thought of committing myself to anything had me breaking out in a cold sweat and I was pretty sure that my heart was going to pump itself right on out of my chest. (insert nervous laugh here). True story. That shit really happens.

Who knew though, right? It took me forever to figure out that THAT was exactly what was wrong with me... but why?

Why am I so afraid to commit myself to something?

Why the fuck am I so afraid?!

...is it...

the fear of failure?
the self doubt?
the fear of actually being happy?!
do I want to be?
do I even deserve that shit?! 
can I really be?!

I wasn't sure...

Yes, I was terrified of all of the above. I was afraid of failing, but I was also terrified of winning. I didn't really even think it was possible to be afraid of both, but it is... trust me. I know.

I kept telling myself the timing was all wrong, but you know what? When is the timing ever perfect? The truth is... it isn't. You can't sit around waiting for the perfect time, because if you do... I hate to break it you, but it will never come.

With commitment there is failure and with failure there is learning and ultimately finding success when you continue to plow through. You can't achieve success without saying "Fuck it" and going all in. You just can't. There is no easy way and there damn sure aren't any short cuts. You just literally have take the plunge. Even when you're scared to fricken death.

You've got to take chances.

Nothing great is ever going to happen if you don't. In the past few years I've been doing things that set my "commitment phobic" radar through the roof. 

Starting my page and beginning to share the inner workings of me was one of them. 
This blog was another hard for me... because there will be days when I share some tough things, but I did it. I had to. I don't want to see people holding themselves back. Feeling like they're alone. I don't want you to feel that way.

So, here again, I've committed myself. To sharing bits of who I am and my life in order spread hope.

To help someone else change their lives... To change mine.

Showing vulnerability is hard. Being afraid of something is hard... but allowing fear control you and living a life less than what you deserve is even harder.

Remember this the next time you find yourself wondering "What the fuck am I so afraid of?" and remember that you aren't alone. Life is meant to be lived in every way possible. It starts when you decide to start living. Now go live.

xoxo

Grief Reminds Me...

Grief reminds me of the ocean when a storm is brewing or raging... It's dark, violent and it's beautiful. Grief comes in stages... pretty much the same way... however, the beautiful part is from the memories that you hold closest to you.

Today is a bad day. I was fine when I got up, and then I started thinking about my dad. Maybe it's because yesterday my sister took two kittens to his wife... after he passed, within 8 months their three dogs died too. They were old. It made me sad for her. They loved their animals. I know she was heartbroken. But my sister did a good deed and told me it put a little bit of a light back in her eyes.

You know, before my dad died, I did not have a single picture of him put out anywhere. After he was gone I put one up beside my desk... so I could see him everyday. Funny how that happens.

Some days, it makes my throat clog up and tears run down my face and I hate that. I hate emotion sometimes. It pisses me off... I can deal with anger much better than grief.

Thanksgiving is coming, not that I spent many of them with him since I grew up... (long story) but we communicated fairly often even when our relationship was really strained. December 12th marks his one year passing and December 17th is his birthday.

I'm sad, but really fucking angry too.

I'm pissed off at him for never making an effort to really know my son. My son will remember him as the man with crazy hair in the green truck. I'm pissed off with how much and how often he lied about the stupidest things. I'm pissed off at how often he used to call me just to ask to borrow money. ...but at the same time...

I miss his stupid retarded jokes, and how much he could make me laugh. I miss that even when things were so wrong he would listen to me complain about whatever it was that was making me insane. I miss how much he would do his very best to embarrass me in public. I miss so much. I just miss him. I also realize that he, though he was flawed as fuck... just like we all are... did the best he felt he could. Now that I'm older I see that. I understand that.

Just because it wasn't always right, doesn't mean it was always wrong. It doesn't mean he didn't try his best. Just because his 'right' looked different than mine did/does.

I miss the man I idolized at age 10. I miss the man I learned to resent at 13. I miss the man who he used to be. I miss the man that he really was.

I am so grateful for the time I spent with him in the last couple of months before he died. Because we were able to bridge some of the gap. We were able to talk to each other like we were never able to do before.

I hold those moments close.

And as much as I hate to ever show vulnerability in any way... and believe me, I am choking on my pride right now, sometimes it is necessary. It's okay to be a hard ass and it's also okay to find an outlet to vent. Because grief comes in waves. Not always when you expect it. You have your highs and lows. The good days and the bad. Today was bad... but the evening is much better.

PUNK 57

I just finished reading PUNK 57... and wow. Just wow. It is a must read!

After the first couple of chapters, I almost closed the book; not because it was written poorly or anything, but because I wanted to punch the lead lady right in her pretty face. 

BUT

I kept going. 

I didn't give up on her... but she had a lot of redeeming to do. 

Ryen was not at all what I expected, but inside she was everything and so much more. She was a little broken, desperate to fit in, be accepted...to be liked... to not be alone.

Just like many other kids/teenagers in school -before they learn that someone else accepting them doesn't matter. That they don't need to fit in. That it's okay to stand up and stand out from the crowd, and to stand up for those who aren't able to stand up for themselves.  

__________


Ryen and Misha became pen pals when they were in elementary school and became everything to each other. 

_________




About the book:"We were perfect together. Until we met." 

Misha

I can’t help but smile at the lyrics in her letter. She misses me.

In fifth grade, my teacher set us up with pen pals from a different school. Thinking I was a girl, with a name like Misha, the other teacher paired me up with her student, Ryen. My teacher, believing Ryen was a boy like me, agreed.

It didn’t take long for us to figure out the mistake. And in no time at all, we were arguing about everything. The best take-out pizza. Android vs. iPhone. Whether or not Eminem is the greatest rapper ever…

And that was the start. For the next seven years, it was us.

Her letters are always on black paper with silver writing. Sometimes there’s one a week or three in a day, but I need them. She’s the only one who keeps me on track, talks me down, and accepts everything I am.

We only had three rules. No social media, no phone numbers, no pictures. We had a good thing going. Why ruin it?

Until I run across a photo of a girl online. Name’s Ryen, loves Gallo’s pizza, and worships her iPhone. What are the chances?

F*ck it. I need to meet her.

I just don’t expect to hate what I find.

Ryen

He hasn’t written in three months. Something’s wrong. Did he die? Get arrested? Knowing Misha, neither would be a stretch.

Without him around, I’m going crazy. I need to know someone is listening. It’s my own fault. I should’ve gotten his phone number or picture or something.

He could be gone forever.

Or right under my nose, and I wouldn’t even know it.

*Punk 57 is a stand alone New Adult romance. It is suitable for ages 18+.

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You can find author Penelope Douglas on Facebook by clicking here.

Penelope Douglas' Website

It's finally the weekend! Hello you beautiful bastard!

I just chugged down this effin' nutrient packed health shake because let's face it, my ass isn't getting any younger and well...healthy insides are important. Cafe Latte Shakeo with a splash of Chameleon Cold Brew. It's effin' delish. I'll even post the recipe below. I wouldn't want anyone to miss out.

I briefly considered a plan of ruthless world domination and then remembered that I am a mom, so instead.... I'm going to go out and selflessly spend money on my kids needs, while completely ignoring my desire to spend frivolously on a whole bunch of shit that I don't need. Truthfully, I'm trying to keep my shit spending to a minimum. I want to buy a house and you can't save if you're blowing all your money at every opportunity. It's hard... though... so. damn. hard... not to... Lol

And after said shopping for the wee boy is finished, I'm going to lose my bra and watch Bad Moms. I can't believe I haven't taken the time to watch it yet.

Have a fricken amazing Saturday, y'all. You deserve it!



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Caramel Cafe Latte Recipe:
1 Scoop of Cafe Latte Shakeology
*Splash of Caramel Extract
*Half a cup of Cold Coffee (or more if you want)
*Half a cup of water
*Ice to taste
Blend the crap out of it and enjoy.

Breaking Down So We Can Get Back Up!

We all have a past. We all have things that we would much rather forget. A lot of people turn to drugs, food, alcohol, sex... to just try and forget.... even if just for a few minutes. We do our best to push the memories away. The harder we try to forget the stronger the grip of the memory becomes and we fight... fight not to feel... fight to not remember. We try and do whatever we can to escape. Escaping is so much easier than facing the memories that are driving us mad. We do everything in our power to be someone else and slowly we start becoming something that we don't even recognize. 

We fight against who we were -who we are... we beat our fists against a brick wall trying desperately to see beyond, but it's just too strong. Too well built. The wall that we've built ourselves...

To keep people out. 

To hide. 

To feel safe.

But are we really safe? What is the use in hiding? 

Hiding means we will never heal. Those broken and shattered pieces will never be put back together. We can't grow, we can't move on until we face what we're trying to hide, trying to forget... and find acceptance within ourselves.   

We have to fight for us... you have to fight for you... for the people who love you.

We have to embrace that we are not perfect, nor will we ever be... No one is. Not one single person. We all have scars. We're all a little broken and wounded, and somehow found a way to survive.

The biggest war you will ever fight is the one that is waging inside of you. And when put to the test we will suit up and go to battle. 
So stop second guessing yourself. 

Stop hating yourself. 

Stop hiding yourself. 

Embrace everything that you are. Our mistakes are what teach us. Our mistakes are what make us who we are... we need to learn from them and grow. Dig deep and find a way to accept what was, what is and let go.

Fall down and fall apart. Kick, cry, scream... do whatever it is you have to, but do it. You can. I believe in you. And regardless of what people think - those who don't support and accept you, don't matter.

Break through the barriers because the world is missing you. We need you. The real you.