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Sunday, October 7, 2018

In Response To...... How I felt about having kids today.

So, this was my response when someone I have not seen or talked to in a long time asked me how I felt about having kids today. It was more of a sarcasm/criticism type of comment.....but to my delight and lack of giving a shit it rolled right of my back like most things should for anyone.

Rewind to -oh, I'd say about 20 years ago... 

Once upon a time I was eighteen years old and pretty adamant about not having kids. I was busy doing other things... and it was no secret that I was not "dreaming or secretly planning" my future family... Lol.

Just an FYI... There is nothing wrong with that! Just as there is nothing wrong with if you do. 


One last thing before continuing... If you are offended easily or fail to have a sense of humor? Ignore this whole post... Just go ahead and click that "X" in the top corner and move on. Thanks in advance. 

Now... Back to my response.... 

"The kidlet thing is still weird to me most of the time. I'm not one of those "gushy" mom types....or even one who "enjoys" pregnancy and raves about. 

The mom part isn't so bad. Definitely a learning experience. Scary as shit though. Seriously. You are solely responsible for another human being. You thought life was scary before? I have news... You haven't seen shit until your rest your eyes on your little person for the first time.

Now pregnancy and enjoying it?!

Fuck no. It sucks... lol...

Don't get me wrong, there are some really sweet moments when you are pregnant. Like feeling your little person start moving around for the first time and maybe some others. But let me be real... Your body is no longer your own while pregnant. No matter how you look at it. 

My feet? Resembled that of what I'd assume could be exactly what a Gargantuan's feet probably look like (if you can even see them). Bending over? Good lord, the struggle is real. Shaving your damn legs? Well it would seem that my contortionist days are officially over. (Not that I was ever headed down that path anyway...). Heartburn? Get ready to take out stock with Tums. 

The number of times you run/waddle (that's right - I just said waddle -don't even get me started) back and forth- to and from the bathroom for what id say "a little dribble" that had initially felt like you were about to produce Niagra Falls and flood your entire neighborhood. You may as well invest in a bed pan -especially- especially if your limited to one bathroom and it just so happens to be on the other side of the house. I never thought of the bed pan idea until just now... Looking back... it would have been a killer idea. Definitely noted for future purposes on my "Just in case" list... bahahaha (don't judge). 

I never could get comfortable. Talk about waking up 9000 times during the night JUST to attempt to roll yourself over... Oh, you can imagine how pretty it is... I could go on for days -but I'll just stop with all that messy goodness. You'll probably thank me.

Truth be told... with all of the suckith moments throughout pregnancy -in all honesty? I'd do it over. I totally would. Bitching and complaining the entire way. Just to lay eyes on that adorable disruption to my sleeping patterns. It was worth it. (Damnit! I never thought those words would pass my lips - let alone relay them in a blog post for others to read). The mess, the madness, labor (sweet jesus that's another story), and the yucky mess afterwards. It changes you.

Fast forward to the ever so present now and on to the topic of your wee people. 

With all that I've said above, some kids are actually kind of cool and really aren't the spawns of Satan. (Don't shake your head or try to lie.... You know that you know some of those kids too...). My ten year old for instance (and this is 2018 for any of you who may read this post later down the line) he has his moments. I'm not delusional... he has his "I'm going to make my mom turn half lunatic, produce mass amounts of gray hair and possibly rip that shit out by the roots" moments... but for the most part? He is pretty chill. He's hilarious actually. And I find him quite fascinating. He tells awesome stories... (shit... I just went all gushy). 

Moving on.

Don't worry though... Your time will come as well (if it hasn't already) and I will laugh and laugh and laugh. Just as my mom did as she wished upon me a child that was ten times worse than I was... Totally not kidding... I may or may not have been a holy terror at certain stages of my life... Lol.

Now while my hilarious sense of humor and their (we're back to conversation that lead to this post) lack of....collided... Luckily.... They knew me well enough to not be a dick. The whole conversation became quite hilarious to me actually....but that's okay too, because I am not in the habit of caring what people think.

Not to mention.....being a "people pleaser" is just not in my nature. It never has been and I don't intend to rectify that anytime soon. And you shouldn't either for that matter. It isn't worth your time or energy. 

Keep in mind -that it is okay to change your mind, without apology, about something you did or that you didn't want to do at various stages in your life. That's the beauty of things... It's your life. You're allowed to do that. 

Moral of the story? You can have your opinion. You can want or not kids. You can be a decent human. You can be funny. You can be anything you want to.... Just be decent.

And for the love of all that is holy (or not) don't worry about what others think. Opinions are like assholes... everyone has one.


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